Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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