dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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