Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
