She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
