Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
