I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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