You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
