sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We have started to decorate penises.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
