We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
