i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
