No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
