i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
