We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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