i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When are your genitals available?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
