god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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