What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
