by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
