When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize