i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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