Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize