I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
