i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
