watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
