yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
