are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
