Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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