like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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