if i can run in heels then i can drive
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
