Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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