you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
