And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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