Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
