Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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