im drinking this country out of the recession.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize