@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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