Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
