I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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