Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
