dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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