I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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