No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
