Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
