he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize