I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry my hands just texted you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
