what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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