party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
