i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize