I need help removing her.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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