you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
