if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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