you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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