I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
