chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
