man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
