he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
