tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
