His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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