my mouth tastes like poor choices
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Of course I have a pirate flag
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
