okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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