i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
