is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My cat gives me a boner
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
