real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
