we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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