Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
