You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
