how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
