Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
