If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
